Quotes
Lorelai: This parent orientation I went to is a non-stop litany of the horrors of meeting college freshmen. You're supposed to carry a whistle, a flashlight, a crucifix, and a loaded Glock with you at all times.
Paris: So do you like your adoptive parents?
Tanna: Yeah.
Paris: I think it's good to be adopted. If you get sick of them, you can just dump this set and go find the originals.
Lorelai: This is a misogynistic truck!
Luke: What?
Lorelai: It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up."
Luke: A shift diagram for the truck, nice and simple. "D" is for drive, "R" is for—
Lorelai: The "R" in drive!
Luke: "R" is for reverse.
Lorelai: Right, reverse.
Luke: And "1" is—
Lorelai: The loneliest number that you'll ever know!
Paris: Yeah, but I was pretty lost. Then my rabbi conferred with my therapist who said a hypnotist he knew thought a life coach would be right for me, and that led me to Terrence. He's here to assist me with whatever I need assistance in, from wardrobe to diet to finding me a kick-ass gynecologist.
Rory: Everything's so foreign. I have to share a bathroom. I've never shared a bathroom with anyone but you. So I'm gonna be running into people in the bathroom, we're gonna have to make small talk. I don't know any bathroom small talk.
Lorelai: Um… gee, your hair smells terrific?
Mr. Stein 1: My name is Stein.
Luke: I thought you were Stein.
Mr. Stein 2: I'm Stein as well.
Luke: Well, then I'm confused.
Mr. Blodgett: Mr. Danes, I'm an impatient man, I'm a busy man, I'm a sensible man, I'm a skeptical man.
Luke: Oh, you're four different men, huh? Well, are they all named Stein, too?
Luke: I had my spare tire back here.
Lorelai: Oh, we must've accidenally unloaded it on one of our trips.
Luke: Could you try to get it back?
Lorelai: Yes, as long as Paris hasn't made it into a planter yet.
Rory: Do something to make me hate you!
Lorelai: Uh, go Hitler?
Lorelai: That'll get the girls talking. We'll be those dirty, filthy, almost-French Stars Hollow girls. *in French accent* Oh, we spit on you, you repressed puritanical ninnies.
Rory: *in French accent* We smirk in your general direction.
Lorelai: *in French accent* We cast sidelong glances that are vague but slightly threatening.
Rory: *in French accent* We eschew your quaint double entendre for the appealing lasciviousness of the entendre singular.
Lorelai: We... uh... I'm out.
Rory: Me too, get the light.
Luke: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.
Lorelai: Well, then I'm stuck here.
Luke: Fine, because I need my truck back.
Lorelai: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress.
Luke: I'm not taking the mattress.
Lorelai: Then let me take the truck.
Luke: But that means you take the mattress.
Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
Lorelai: But that sticks you with the mattress.
Luke: If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress.
Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
Lorelai: And that sticks you with the mattress.
Luke: *sighs* We've been here before.
Lorelai: I recognize that tree.