Drabbles
Drabbles generated by http://www.prillalar.com/drabbles. The second and third ones are credited to my friend Emma-Jane, who was my 2005 Secret Santa!The Battle for the Potion
In a tower, Snape struck his potion. He had been busy with the potion for hours and now wanted nothing more than a fatal cuddle or a greasy massage from his lover Trelawney.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his wicked Trelawney appeared at the door, grinning viciously.
"Put down the potion," Trelawney said sanctimoniously. "Unless you want me to strike that potion on your leg."
Snape put down the potion. He was beaming. He had never seen Trelawney so perverted before and it made him huge.
Trelawney picked up the potion, then withdrew a wand from her mouth. "Don't be so beaming," Trelawney said with a perverted grimace. "An owl bit my thigh this morning, and everything became sexy. Now with this potion and this wand I can sanctimoniously rule the world!"
Snape clutched his beautiful thigh grandiloquently. This was his lover, his wicked Trelawney, now staring at him with a perverted mouth.
"Fight it!" Snape shouted. "The owl just wants the potion for his own wicked devices! He doesn't love you, not the fatal way I do!"
Snape could see Trelawney trembling grandiloquently. Snape reached out his leg and touched Trelawney's mouth sanctimoniously. He was wicked, so wicked, but he knew only his beautiful love for Trelawney would break the owl's spell.
Sure enough, Trelawney dropped the potion with a thunk. "Oh, Snape," she squealed. "I'm so fatal, can you ever forgive me?"
But Snape had already moved in a tower. Like a drop of dragon's blood spreading out in a glass of ink, he pressed his leg into Trelawney's mouth. And as they fell together in a sexy fit of love, the potion lay on the floor, huge and forgotten.
The Miracle Of The Cockroach
Sybill Trelawney hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a song that had no lyrics. She loathed it.
Every December, Sybill Trelawney would feel herself getting all greenish inside. She refused to put up a Christmas spike, she snapped at anyone stuffy enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Sybill Trelawney had to go to the mall to buy a magical cooking sherry. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing upwards around and so much Christmas music blaring closely, she thought her nose would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a prophetic man collecting for charity. Sybill Trelawney never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the prophetic man dropped his bells and ran in the North Tower. There was a stern cockroach right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the prophetic man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Sybill Trelawney rushed out and firmly pushed them both out of the way. There was a dark bang and then everything went dark.
When Sybill Trelawney woke up, she was in a two-faced room. There was a Christmas spike in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Sybill Trelawney's back hurt. A lot.
The prophetic man came into the room. "I'm so sleepy!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Severus Snape. You saved me from the truck. But your back is broken."
Sybill Trelawney hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas spike up and her back was broken, she felt quite cold, especially when she looked at Severus Snape.
"Your back must hurt coincidentally," Severus Snape said. "I think this will help." And he shouted Sybill Trelawney several times.
Now Sybill Trelawney felt very cold indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Severus Snape. "I love you," she said, and kissed Severus Snape rapidly.
"I love you too," said Severus Snape. Just then, the cockroach ran into the room and nuzzled Sybill Trelawney's toe. "I brought him home with us," Severus Snape said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Sybill Trelawney said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
Rapidly Tripping
Sybill Trelawney tripped along firmly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Severus Snape, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a cockroach hopping along, carrying a cauldron in its mouth.
Sybill Trelawney was almost in the North Tower when she came across a sleepy cake, lying alone on a two-faced plate. "That must be a treat from my cold bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked magical, so she ate it.
It gave her the most stern tingling sensation in her nose. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Severus Snape.
When Severus Snape came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Sybill Trelawney cried coincidentally.
"Your toe! And your back!" Severus Snape said. "They're stuffy! Can't you feel it?"
Sybill Trelawney felt her toe and her back. They were indeed quite stuffy. "Oh, no!" Sybill Trelawney said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that sleepy cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Severus Snape said. "I got you a spike. It must have been that prophetic man who lives nearby. He acts a little closely, ever since he shouted a cooking sherry."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Sybill Trelawney sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Severus Snape said upwards, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your toe is really greenish like that."
"Really?" Sybill Trelawney dried his tears. Sybill Trelawney kissed Severus Snape and it was an entirely dark sensation, like a song that had no lyrics.
They spent the night having entirely dark sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.